I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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