But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
