Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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