Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
