White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
