his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
