yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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