Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love accidental penises.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Randomize
