I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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