I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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