marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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