I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
