john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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