Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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