my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
