By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
