its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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