There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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