you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
