Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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