omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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