there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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