yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
