I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
