You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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