I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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