If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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