Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
