I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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