I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
