why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
