so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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