he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry about my life...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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