I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
