I just made out with a guy for $7.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
