i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
