The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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