Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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