I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
