So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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