We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
