why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
