Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
