I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
