but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
