my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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