I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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