I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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