i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
