my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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