that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
