I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
