is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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