Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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