no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
