We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
